June 9, 2020
The 73rd Year
Day 82
Adult children are worried about killing their parents.
Their heartfelt concern is endearing. It can at times be annoying.
Welcome to yet another coronavirus backflip, a reversal of roles in familial relations.
Parents are supposed to worry about their children. But kids are in charge now and many older Americans are following rules of Covid-19 behavior designed by their deeply-concerned 20 and 30-year-old offspring.
Our four adult sons have been very loving but firm in a quiet, controlling manner since the virus rocked the world in March. We have friends whose children have been much tougher; establishing rules well beyond the CDC guidelines and getting angry when their parents stray from them.
I first noticed the phenomenon back in late March when we were in quarantine following our drive across the country. Our second son and his girlfriend were hunkered down in Brooklyn as New York was emerging as the coronavirus epicenter. We begged them to come ride out the virus-induced-lockdown in relatively Covid-19-free-Vermont, offering to move in with our son up the hill for two weeks while they went through quarantine.
They politely refused. I tried my very best, subtle, parental manipulation. They politely refused. I abandoned subtlety. They politely refused.
My son up the hill told me: “Stop asking, they don’t want to get you sick.” Honestly, until then it had not occurred to me.
Recently two good friends were visited by their son and daughter who have been living in Covid-19 hotspots out-of-state. Like us, our friends live in the boonies and have had little contact with the outside world since March. Their kids imposed harsh guidelines for the visit. They would only meet their parents outside, wearing masks while social distancing; in this case at about 10 feet.
Older Americans, including these two, suffer hearing loss. A conversation from 10 feet through a mask; I would like to have seen that. If we tried that with our kids, we would need an interpreter or perhaps a megaphone.
Later our two friends visited with another son and their toddler grandson. They were soundly upbraided by their other children, not because they might infect the child but because they feared the little rugrat would infect their parents.
Our friends described the visit as exhausting and are hoping the next one is not in the near future!
Older, retired, Americans and their working age offspring face very different circumstances in their daily lives as lockdown rules are eased. The coronavirus does not discriminate by age but seniors are
generally more vulnerable than their children. So it makes sense that a double standard exists; one for working age adults, another for their parents.
Today the New York Times published two articles related to how we emerge from lockdown that are worth reading: five rules to live by in a pandemic and the results of a Covid-19 risk survey with 511 epidemiologists.
I only reference their findings and recommendations here but both articles are worth reading in their entirety.
Most significantly they recommend that close contact outside what they call your corona bubble continue to be very limited. The rules describe risk as cumulative. They recommend we create and adhere to a risk budget. High risk events should be limited, no ball games or concerts until a vaccine or cure is available.
More than half the epidemiologists plan to wear masks for a year or more. More than 40 percent said it would be 12 months or more before they will go to church. About six percent said they will never shake hands again!
I get it; the familial flipflop is here to stay.
If I were 33 instead of 73, I would be my parents worst nightmare. All children want their parents to be safe. No child wants to feel responsible for a parent falling ill or dying.
So moving forward we will do as we are told.
By our children.
One final note. We drove the southern route from California in late March, not the most direct path to Vermont, so we could visit with my sister and very ill brother-in-law in North Carolina. We spent three precious hours with him before speeding onto quarantine, then lockdown in Vermont.
Joe Dolan died in Winston Salem yesterday morning. He just turned 84. He was a kind, joyous, generous man and will be greatly missed.
Be safe.
The 73rd Year
Day 82
Adult children are worried about killing their parents.
Their heartfelt concern is endearing. It can at times be annoying.
Welcome to yet another coronavirus backflip, a reversal of roles in familial relations.
Parents are supposed to worry about their children. But kids are in charge now and many older Americans are following rules of Covid-19 behavior designed by their deeply-concerned 20 and 30-year-old offspring.
Our four adult sons have been very loving but firm in a quiet, controlling manner since the virus rocked the world in March. We have friends whose children have been much tougher; establishing rules well beyond the CDC guidelines and getting angry when their parents stray from them.
I first noticed the phenomenon back in late March when we were in quarantine following our drive across the country. Our second son and his girlfriend were hunkered down in Brooklyn as New York was emerging as the coronavirus epicenter. We begged them to come ride out the virus-induced-lockdown in relatively Covid-19-free-Vermont, offering to move in with our son up the hill for two weeks while they went through quarantine.
They politely refused. I tried my very best, subtle, parental manipulation. They politely refused. I abandoned subtlety. They politely refused.
My son up the hill told me: “Stop asking, they don’t want to get you sick.” Honestly, until then it had not occurred to me.
Recently two good friends were visited by their son and daughter who have been living in Covid-19 hotspots out-of-state. Like us, our friends live in the boonies and have had little contact with the outside world since March. Their kids imposed harsh guidelines for the visit. They would only meet their parents outside, wearing masks while social distancing; in this case at about 10 feet.
Older Americans, including these two, suffer hearing loss. A conversation from 10 feet through a mask; I would like to have seen that. If we tried that with our kids, we would need an interpreter or perhaps a megaphone.
Later our two friends visited with another son and their toddler grandson. They were soundly upbraided by their other children, not because they might infect the child but because they feared the little rugrat would infect their parents.
Our friends described the visit as exhausting and are hoping the next one is not in the near future!
Older, retired, Americans and their working age offspring face very different circumstances in their daily lives as lockdown rules are eased. The coronavirus does not discriminate by age but seniors are
generally more vulnerable than their children. So it makes sense that a double standard exists; one for working age adults, another for their parents.
Today the New York Times published two articles related to how we emerge from lockdown that are worth reading: five rules to live by in a pandemic and the results of a Covid-19 risk survey with 511 epidemiologists.
I only reference their findings and recommendations here but both articles are worth reading in their entirety.
Most significantly they recommend that close contact outside what they call your corona bubble continue to be very limited. The rules describe risk as cumulative. They recommend we create and adhere to a risk budget. High risk events should be limited, no ball games or concerts until a vaccine or cure is available.
More than half the epidemiologists plan to wear masks for a year or more. More than 40 percent said it would be 12 months or more before they will go to church. About six percent said they will never shake hands again!
I get it; the familial flipflop is here to stay.
If I were 33 instead of 73, I would be my parents worst nightmare. All children want their parents to be safe. No child wants to feel responsible for a parent falling ill or dying.
So moving forward we will do as we are told.
By our children.
One final note. We drove the southern route from California in late March, not the most direct path to Vermont, so we could visit with my sister and very ill brother-in-law in North Carolina. We spent three precious hours with him before speeding onto quarantine, then lockdown in Vermont.
Joe Dolan died in Winston Salem yesterday morning. He just turned 84. He was a kind, joyous, generous man and will be greatly missed.
Be safe.
Comments
Post a Comment