May 20, 2020
The 73rd Year
Day 62
Homo sapiens crave intimacy. Not just sexual intimacy but also a physical and emotional closeness with friends, family and even co-workers.
It is not surprising then that social distancing is not instinctive. It is not baked into our psyche. It does not live in our DNA. It is not even desirable.
This begins at birth right after the obstetrician or midwife smacks a baby on the butt, generates a welcome-wail and hands her off to bond with mom. Those first hours are all about developing the intimacy we will crave our entire lives.
Babies are swaddled and cuddled by cooing grownups. Small children get hugs and head pats every time an adult enter their personal space. Then they get a second hug and pat when the adult leaves their personal space.
Teenagers rebel against everything including unsolicited intimacy. That is why they flee when a red-faced, ancient auntie attempts a boozy embrace before Sunday dinner.
Adults, because they are tight-assed adults, shake hands. A handshake is the intimate equivalent of business casual. The wai, the slight bow as a greeting common in Asia, qualifies as business formal.
Hell we even chase closeness with our enemies. Vito Corleone, in “The Godfather,” warns his son Michael: “Keep your friends close but your enemies closer.” Sun Tzu also said it. And for the seriously literate among my readers Machiavelli said it too. Someone will surely tell me later that Jesus said it.
Covid-19 has turned our world upside down. We are being told to stay at least six-feet away from pretty much everyone. If we are running or exercising hard, nine feet is the recommended distance. And if you are a singer in a choral group 16 feet is the recommended benchmark. This would put about a football field between the sopranos and bass in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I imagine finding harmony at that distance is tough.
Consider the math. To properly social distance in every direction would require that everyone have about 113 square feet available at all times. That way no one can cross the six foot barrier from any angle. This will put an end to gossiping around the water cooler.
Our anatomy is not built for this kind of interaction. Most of us can only turn our heads 90 degrees left and right from center. As you get older, that swivel radius shrinks! It would be impossible to talk and maintain eye contact in a group unless you are moving.
Damn, not everyone can walk and talk.
It sounds exhausting. It is exhausting. It is exhausting to write about it.
Social distancing is even harder when we are stressed. The covid-19 pandemic qualifies as a stressful event. In times of danger, our instinct is to huddle together, not run from one another. Think back to the old black and white TV westerns and the battle cry: “Circle the wagons” or the football command “Huddle up.”
Few would disagree that when times get tough, we get together.
But now we are being asked to keep our distance. It is necessary but it is not easy. There have been two rebellions against the state-ordered quarantine, stay-at-home and social distancing directives.
The first rebellion was a youth movement. Spring breakers refused to leave Florida beaches. The substances controlling their brains calculated that Covid-19 was an old person’s disease and the beaches remained full until they were closed. To be fair, back then many experts believed the virus was an old persons disease.
Now we know better. The second rebellion was led by older, itchy-at-home skeptics who after a month began to demand that the guidelines that protected us through this crisis be lifted. It was not long after gun-toting, terrorists wannabes invaded the Michigan statehouse that the states began to reopen. Today all 50 states have to some degree relaxed the restrictions that have controlled our lives for the last two months.
The desire to get back out into the world is primal. Few will admit it but when we are alone or cloistered with just our families we are lonely. We are tribal and very much need to follow the herd.
I believe in social distancing, now and in the future. But I also concede that it is difficult. The few real face-covered conversations I have had from beyond the invisible six-foot barrier have been slightly awkward and not very satisfying. The conversations focused on pragmatic issues; whimsy was nowhere in sight. These chats ended quickly.
Back in March some therapists tried to change the words “social distance” to “physical distance.” They were worried that the term was synonymous with isolation, loneliness and despair. They failed. Social distancing is part of our lexicon now.
It will remain with us until a vaccine is developed and widely administered. There will be rebels of course, who refuse to wear masks and keep their distance.
So there will be more cases and more deaths than there should be.
All this because we were forced to bond with our mothers at birth!
Be safe.
The 73rd Year
Day 62
Homo sapiens crave intimacy. Not just sexual intimacy but also a physical and emotional closeness with friends, family and even co-workers.
It is not surprising then that social distancing is not instinctive. It is not baked into our psyche. It does not live in our DNA. It is not even desirable.
This begins at birth right after the obstetrician or midwife smacks a baby on the butt, generates a welcome-wail and hands her off to bond with mom. Those first hours are all about developing the intimacy we will crave our entire lives.
Babies are swaddled and cuddled by cooing grownups. Small children get hugs and head pats every time an adult enter their personal space. Then they get a second hug and pat when the adult leaves their personal space.
Teenagers rebel against everything including unsolicited intimacy. That is why they flee when a red-faced, ancient auntie attempts a boozy embrace before Sunday dinner.
Adults, because they are tight-assed adults, shake hands. A handshake is the intimate equivalent of business casual. The wai, the slight bow as a greeting common in Asia, qualifies as business formal.
Hell we even chase closeness with our enemies. Vito Corleone, in “The Godfather,” warns his son Michael: “Keep your friends close but your enemies closer.” Sun Tzu also said it. And for the seriously literate among my readers Machiavelli said it too. Someone will surely tell me later that Jesus said it.
Covid-19 has turned our world upside down. We are being told to stay at least six-feet away from pretty much everyone. If we are running or exercising hard, nine feet is the recommended distance. And if you are a singer in a choral group 16 feet is the recommended benchmark. This would put about a football field between the sopranos and bass in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I imagine finding harmony at that distance is tough.
Consider the math. To properly social distance in every direction would require that everyone have about 113 square feet available at all times. That way no one can cross the six foot barrier from any angle. This will put an end to gossiping around the water cooler.
Our anatomy is not built for this kind of interaction. Most of us can only turn our heads 90 degrees left and right from center. As you get older, that swivel radius shrinks! It would be impossible to talk and maintain eye contact in a group unless you are moving.
Damn, not everyone can walk and talk.
It sounds exhausting. It is exhausting. It is exhausting to write about it.
Social distancing is even harder when we are stressed. The covid-19 pandemic qualifies as a stressful event. In times of danger, our instinct is to huddle together, not run from one another. Think back to the old black and white TV westerns and the battle cry: “Circle the wagons” or the football command “Huddle up.”
Few would disagree that when times get tough, we get together.
But now we are being asked to keep our distance. It is necessary but it is not easy. There have been two rebellions against the state-ordered quarantine, stay-at-home and social distancing directives.
The first rebellion was a youth movement. Spring breakers refused to leave Florida beaches. The substances controlling their brains calculated that Covid-19 was an old person’s disease and the beaches remained full until they were closed. To be fair, back then many experts believed the virus was an old persons disease.
Now we know better. The second rebellion was led by older, itchy-at-home skeptics who after a month began to demand that the guidelines that protected us through this crisis be lifted. It was not long after gun-toting, terrorists wannabes invaded the Michigan statehouse that the states began to reopen. Today all 50 states have to some degree relaxed the restrictions that have controlled our lives for the last two months.
The desire to get back out into the world is primal. Few will admit it but when we are alone or cloistered with just our families we are lonely. We are tribal and very much need to follow the herd.
I believe in social distancing, now and in the future. But I also concede that it is difficult. The few real face-covered conversations I have had from beyond the invisible six-foot barrier have been slightly awkward and not very satisfying. The conversations focused on pragmatic issues; whimsy was nowhere in sight. These chats ended quickly.
Back in March some therapists tried to change the words “social distance” to “physical distance.” They were worried that the term was synonymous with isolation, loneliness and despair. They failed. Social distancing is part of our lexicon now.
It will remain with us until a vaccine is developed and widely administered. There will be rebels of course, who refuse to wear masks and keep their distance.
So there will be more cases and more deaths than there should be.
All this because we were forced to bond with our mothers at birth!
Be safe.
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